And that means I’m off.

I’m not really holiday-ing. More like working on Project X (this is not a joke, but the actual real world work in progress title of my work in the real world (real world being a misnomer since Project X will be online) right now; no connection to the illustrious movie of the same name, though I wish… I seriously, seriously wish); but it’s a kind-of-epic-unconstructed-but-disciplined-full of intense study and attempts at serious real work-nonsensical-lazy-sweet-summer-not/so/holiday… for the next 3 weeks.

So basically, I have no time to get dressed.

(Will this be an issue?)

So this is me signing off in my birthday suit. It’s summer. Have a good one. And do something good with it. Because I’m highly unoriginal and generally sneaky by nature, I’ve stolen a little nugget I read the other night that gave me some summer time inspiration. It’s stolen from here (thanks Katie!), and I’ve kind of predictably Photoshopped it for you so it’s looks pretty and you might actually read it.

What does it say about you when you’ve always dreamt of wearing sneakers with a dress? Or does that go without saying.

I plead guilty. I have long been a fan of Kristen Stewart; though I can’t ever hope to pull of the sneakers and dress as well as she’s been known to.

Though I’m pretty sure I never saw her carrying around something like that!

Trusty sneakers; always best when viewed from above.

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If there’s one thing I love, it’s things that don’t make any sense.

So I guess that would be lots of things then. Since so many make almost no sense at all. Like the outfit above. What on earth possessed me to wear a jacket that color?

Because that dress wasn’t busy and colorful enough to begin with?

Or that necklace wasn’t actually a semi-brooch attached to a cord of brown pseudo-leather?

And while that’s a striking contrast… It makes almost no sense at all.

Touche!

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What happens when you put together an outfit that is black, white, and has box like elements? In other words, an outfit that you, on reflection, consider boring?

Well if you’re me I guess you post it anyway. And hope that no one will notice.

And you learn something along the way. That black and white are just too dull to walk around in together.

Even if you pair them with strangely preppy heels. And yes- even if you wear silver charm bangles.

But there’s always tomorrow. Or in my case- next week!

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Perhaps one or two. If you’re very unfortunate, then maybe half a dozen. Or more.

Yes, of course, I am speaking of cynics. Those evil, evil beings.

This is a cause for concern. Maybe you’re thinking you’ve read enough. Maybe you have other blogs to attend to right now. Maybe you would rather be sleeping, or ruminating, or perfecting your gargling technique, or doing anything rather than facing this truth. But you would be wrong. This is most definitely a cause for concern. Concern of immediate and epic proportions.

Why?

Cynics breed evil in three ways:

1- They raise their eyebrows at you: The eyebrow raise is almost impossible to deflect. When you’re on the receiving end of it, all your defenses are immediately worn down. The speed of the eyebrow raise only adds to its inordinate power; the faster that eyebrow goes up, the quicker yours hopes come down. And since there are no gestures or facial twitches that precede it- you can’t even take cover in it. Be aware.

2- They say words like ‘interesting’: Words that they obviously do not mean in any shape or form. The word ‘interesting’ may at first fool you into thinking the cynic in question agrees with your great idea, grand scheme, or brilliant plan. They in fact do not. The word ‘interesting’ (and it’s relatives like ‘fascinating’, ‘unbelievable’ and the godfather of them all ‘wow’)- in fact means anything but. It does not indicate respect and affinity. It means you’re imagining things. And not in a way that’s going to get you a little gold star at the end of your essay. There is no block for the word ‘interesting’ and it’s voluminous family. It’s out of a cynic’s mouth faster than you can blink.

3- They smile at you: This is the worst one of all. It needs no explanation.

So what’s an unsuspecting soul to do?

First off, there’s the…

Eyebrow and Head Tilt; This move works on a physical level; the cynic will subconsciously respond even if their mind refuses to accept what you say next. The tilt is simple- when you sense an eyebrow being raised across the table, simply raise your own and tilt your head ever so slightly to the side (towards your shoulder). Cynics are incapable of the tilt. Cynics don’t do tilting. Seeing their own skeptic eyebrow reflected with a quirky tilt reinforces on a cellular level that that cynic’s eyebrow should stay where nature intended it to. It also makes you look funny. Humor always breaks a cynic’s flow.

There’s also the…

Use of Unexpected Phrase; Hearing condescending words out of a cynic’s mouth will definitely leave you blank of mind and unable to respond; it helps to a keep a store of unusual phrases and responses on hand to throw out whenever you hear the dreaded ‘Wow’. Tailor these unexpected phrases to your own personality and life, as long as they adhere to one simple principle: the intention to confusion. Next time you hear the word ‘Interesting’ respond with a stock line like ‘It is; infuriatingly so. Fascinating to a fault. I’m flummoxed.’ Not only do you sound too strange to bother figuring out- you have one up-ed any word they could possibly have tried to zap you with. Yes. Even mesmerizing.

And finally, the mama of all- the most cunning cynic deception ever invented:

The Cynic Feint; A feint is defined as ‘a maneuver designed to distract or mislead, done by giving the impression that a certain maneuver will take place, while in fact another, or even none, will’. In the endless struggle against cynics and cynicism, the feint is your favorite friend. Your most trusted ally. Your only hope. Cynics are persistent by default. They will not rest until they have worn you down. So preserve your energy. Administer the ultimate feint: agree. And then- as the definition suggests- another maneuver will take place. You do/think/dream exactly as you intended to all along.

And you guessed what happens next I’m sure. The cynic f(a)eints. A lame ending but a fitting one.

Oops! Would you like to post a comment? I don’t take comments on my blog anymore in a spirit of simple service; I just hope that you enjoy what you find here! Live to serve!  And thank you so much for visiting. For more, see here.